There is a Special Place for Joe Tsai in the "Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame"

February 10, 2023

Read time: 10-15 minutes

The day was May 30, 2021.  The Brooklyn Nets just got done beating the Boston Celtics in the NBA playoffs.  It was Game 4 and the Brooklyn Nets, led by Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, and James Harden, had just taken a 3 games to 1 series lead.  The Nets were 1 win away from winning the series.  They’d go on to win the series and push the Milwaukee Bucks, the eventual NBA champion, to the edge in one of the greatest NBA playoff series in recent history (the margin of victory was the size of Kevin Durant’s big toe).

That seems like a long-long time ago in a galaxy far-far away.  Those days are remembered by many equally rabidly obsessed NBA fans.  We remember those days and think, “What could have been?”

That year, the Brooklyn Nets were one of the greatest teams ever assembled.  We all saw it with our eyes.  Durant, Irving, and Harden are three elite “bucket-getting” fellas.  Each has the talent to get the ball on their own.  They handle the ball on a string.  They score from anywhere on the floor within 30 feet of the hoop.  They are basketball machines crafted in God’s laboratory. 

Many found the 2021 Brooklyn Nets to be a team of pompous, self-righteous, team-second abominations (and that is completely understood). 

That’s all a bunch of nonsense.  I see it with my eyes.  I flip on YouTube videos and watch their past games with eyes reserved for Christmas when I was 6 years old.  I feel young again.  I felt this way, particularly on May 30, 2021:

• Kevin Durant had 42 points.

• Kyrie Irving had 39 points.

• James Harden had 23 points and 18 assists.

That’s 104 points out of 141 points.  Plus, a total of 25 assists from Durant, Irving, and Harden.  Unless my eyes lie to me, that’s greatness. 

Today, it’s all over.  The dream is like many dreams in life:

We wake up.

We realize it was all for nothing.

It is time to get back to answering emails and dodging phone calls.

But it’s all not for nothing.  It actually happened  The fact remains…one of the mountainous peaks of talent in sports has crumbled into the abyss.  We all should be mad.  Emotional rage is filling to the top at an all-time high.  These feelings need to go somewhere.  It’s time to throw tomatoes at someone. 

I pick Joe Tsai.

Congratulations, Joe.  You have become the target of ridicule and tomfoolery.  The only people whom you can empathize with are people like, Ted Stepien (Cleveland Cavaliers), George Steinbrenner (New York Yankees), Bill Wirtz (Chicago Blackhawks), and Dan Snyder (Washington Commanders).   And hardly anyone wants to hang out with those guys.

They too are people who are most certainly in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame. 

***

The Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame is a fun list.  It changes every now and again.  There is no criteria for this because the owners of our sports franchises deserve little to no respect outside of the Bill of Rights.  They’re crazy wealthy dudes (well, not all of them).  And they wrestle massive control over the general population’s emotional well-being.  We root for the teams.  They either throw money at them or don’t (Joe Tsai picked his side).  Either way, heartbreak is inevitable.  And owners are tangled at the root of all of it.

Sports are fun this way.  We get emotionally invested.  We lose it all.  And we get to tell these guys:

“Hey!  You suck!”

I already gave ourselves some names to work with:

Ted Stepien, Cleveland Cavaliers

George Steinbrenner, New York Yankees

Bill Wirtz, Chicago Blackhawks

Dan Snyder, Washington Commanders

They are all dumb in their own ways. 

First, there’s Ted.  Ted was the Cleveland Cavaliers’ owner for a short period of time.  From 1980 to 1983, he wrote the checks for a team that never made the playoffs. 

But the biggest reason that Ted is in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame is because of the Ted Stepien Rule.  What is the Ted Stepien Rule?  It is a mandated, 100%, for-real rule in the NBA Owner’s (Governor’s) Manual.  The rule states, “We hereby agree not to trade draft picks in back-to-back years.”  This means in a trade, teams cannot trade their 2024 and 2023 picks.  If they want to trade multiple picks, it has to be the 2023 and 2025 picks…or the 2024 and 2026 picks, and so on.  

Why is this rule called the Ted Stepien rule?  Because Ted Stepien once traded away all of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ picks, leaving the team empty-handed with picks to build for the future.  He screwed the team and the team continued to lose.

He was a covert racist. 

Ted was a real dumb-dumb.

***

Then, there’s George.

At least George Steinbrenner won the World Series.  Actually, he won a bunch.  He won 7 World Series while owning the Yankees for 4 decades.  Generally, that’s good stuff fans want from an owner. 

But…George did some dumb things:

Hired and fired Billy Martin 5 times

This was George’s management style.  He hired and fired everyone all the time.  Some say, it established the winning culture (I kinda buy that).  But it made for organizational madness.  When the team wasn’t winning, it looked really dumb.

Illegally contributed to Richard Nixon’s political campaign

George gave bonuses to his shipbuilding employees and demanded they contribute the money to Nixon.  Honestly compared to today’s political dumpster fire, this seems like a big ol’ nothing burger.  But definitely dumb enough to get charged with obstruction of justice.

Paid a gambler to find Dave Winfield's nudes (or something)

You see, George failed on some parts of Winfield’s contract (George owed Winfield some money).  There was a falling out.  So, George hired a gambler to dig up dirt on Winfield.  George was hoping Winfield was cheating on his wife or beating his kids…you know, classic bad guy stuff. 

Well, the word got out that George was being really dumb.  Apparently, paying a gambler was quite immoral.  The MLB banned him for life (that lasted 2 years). 

Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb…DUMBBBBBBBB.

***

Bill Wirtz is traditionally dumb.  By traditionally dumb, I mean he was just a plain-old bad dumb sports owner.  He wouldn’t spend any money on the Blackhawks.  That definitely begs the question:

Why own a business if you aren’t going to spend money on it?

Bill did that.  He was a cheap dude and earned the nickname “Dollar Bill” because of his awesome greed.

He lost players like Dominik Hasek, Ed Belfour, Jeremy Roenick, and Chris Chelios because he didn’t want to pony up the money.  He did not televise Blackhawks’ home games because that was a waste of money.  Basically, the idea of having a functioning 20-21st Century hockey team was beyond Bill’s understanding. 

At least Ted Stepien traded away all of his draft picks to try and make his team good. 

Because of Bill’s dumb attitude towards sports financing, the Blackhawks stunk and Bill earned a spot in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame.

***

Dan Snyder has been in the news recently.  He’s selling the Washington Commanders.  That smart decision might just salvage his spot in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame. 

I’m kidding.

While all of these owners are dumb, Dan Snyder’s list of dumb crap just goes on and on:

He was asked to change the team’s name.  Their name was the Redskins and the insensitivity of the name is 10/10.  It’s a derogatory term toward Native Americans.  Pressure was put on Snyder to change the name.  Was it an easy choice?  Apparently not.  Dan got all mad and defensive.  He told USA Today, “NEVER.”  The Redskins were NEVER going to change their name. 

Dumb.

He withholds money from the rest of the league by reporting inaccurate ticket sales. 

Dumb.

He won’t fix his stadium that leaks liquid poop. 

Dumb.

He supports a workplace environment that allows sexual harassment.

Dumb.

His team always stinks.

Dumb.  

Thanks for selling the team, Dan.  All hopes and prayers go out to a starved Washington fan base. 

***

So, why is Joe Tsai in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame?  Surely, Joe’s transgressions aren’t like Ted, George, Bill, and Dan…no, they aren’t.

Truthfully, Joe shouldn’t feel all that bad.  Most owners are in the Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame (even the sacred Detroit name “Ilitch” is in there…thanks, nepotism).  It’s easy to get in there.  Us fans are so eager to toss eggshells and obscenities at these money-drunk fools.  It’s what sports are all about. 

But the fact remains that the Brooklyn Nets were arguably the most talented basketball team of all time.  Their most talented players played less than 20 games together.  The volatility was endless.  First, they signed Irving.  Then, they signed Durant.  Then, Irving did it all on his own for a handful of games while Durant was hurt.  Then, Covid happened.  Then, Irving didn’t even follow the team into the NBA Covid Bubble.  Then, Irving didn’t get vaccinated.  Then, they traded for Harden.  Then, the league really got messed up by Covid.  Then, the playoffs started (and May 31, 2021 happened…).  Then Harden got hurt.  Then, Irving got hurt.  They lost.  Then, in the following season, Irving was getting in trouble with the NBA, New York, and Covid rules.  Then, Harden demanded a trade (and it happened).  Then, the team stunk in the playoffs.  Then, Irving had a contract dispute.  Then, Durant demanded a trade.  Then, Irving watched a flat-Earth documentary (I’m totally lost at this point).  Then, Ben Simmons finally played a game.  Then, the team found its footing.  Then, Irving demanded a trade.  Then, Durant demanded a trade.  And it’s all over.

Phew!

That’s a lot.

And yes, it’s all Joe Tsai’s fault.

Joe, what have you done?

I know-I know-I know, you are not the only one at fault in this situation.  

James Harden could have tried to get along better when Kevin Durant was injured and Kyrie Irving was refusing Covid vaccination.  Tough. 

Kevin Durant could have not asked for a trade request and he could have not gotten injured so much.  Rough stuff, Joe. 

Kyrie Irving could not be a raging team cancer.  Life comes at you pretty fast, Joe.

But the moon could also be Swiss cheese. 

This is your team, Joe.  And apparently, you don’t want unprecedented greatness that bad.

The blame is squarely on you.  It’s your fault that the greatest horse-powered engine that has ever been assembled has fallen to pieces.  You have more Alibaba money than on God’s green Earth and apparently, you don’t want to spend it.  Today, I have one YouTube video of these guys to look at for the rest of my life…it’s not enough, Joe.  I could care less about the team’s future…the “assets they got back” or the “haul they got for Harden, Irving, and Durant.”  The Durant-Irving-Harden possibilities are gone forever.  And we are not done grieving.

You might as well go full-on Bill Wirtz at this point…take away television rights.  Take away the Barclays.  Move the team to East Rutherford.  Take away the basketball rims.  Shoot, take away the uniforms, and let the players shoot hoops naked.  Sure, it might be tough to give hundreds of millions of dollars to disgruntled athletes…but then why buy a basketball team? 

I’m heartbroken, Joe. 

Less than two months ago, I was listening to a Zach Lowe podcast about how the Nets were miraculously pulling things together.  Kevin Durant was having one of his best seasons.  After a rocky start at the bottom of the league…the Brooklyn Nets looked unstoppable.  Now, because Joe doesn’t want to give away his money…Kyrie Irving is gone.  And because Kyrie Irving is gone, Kevin Durant is gone.  The magic is dead.  And the magic was here…just two months ago.

But hey, this might just be a part of Joe’s master plan. 

The Dumb Sports Owner Hall of Fame is reserved for owners who have had debatable actions towards their teams, their communities, and their integrity.  Because of Joe’s dumb management of finances, his dumb management of the players, and his dumb management of the broken hearts of fans…the NBA is more popular than ever. 

Have you seen the news?

It’s Super Bowl week…the lead stories on ESPN are about Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, the Nets, and the NBA.  The Super Bowl is buried. 

The NBA’s Soap Opera continues.  The league gains market share.  And the Brooklyn Nets’ value is higher than ever.  Great work, Joe.  Have a tomato.

Time for a Joke:

Rich people are divided into 2 categories:

The Haves and The Haves-Yachts.